When I was doing my training to become a registered clinical counsellor, I was surprised by how many different types of counselling therapies there are! One source said that there are over 200! Examples include CBT, DBT, internal family systems, and Adlerian.

While all counselling theories have many benefits, and some drawbacks, I chose to focus my counselling practice on blending Emotionally Focused Therapy and Polyvagal Theory.

Each of these modalities have techniques that can help a person to regulate difficult emotions (including trauma), create new patterns and habits, and develop a stronger sense of who they are so that they can live more fully alive. They explore how our autonomic nervous system, somatic sensations, feelings, thoughts, and behaviours affect our daily lives and how they become our automatic habits. They are growth-oriented therapies that help us to connect more fully with ourselves , others, and the world.

I am always amazed by the wisdom and change these therapies can help people to experience in their lives. And it’s not something that I am “doing for them“, but that they are discovering within themselves.

If you are looking for a counsellor in Qualicum Beach, feel free to book a free 15-minute inquiry call with me HERE

Want to learn more? Here’s a summary about how each therapy works:

Polyvagal Theory

Polyvagal Theory will teach you how to connect with your nervous system to change the patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting that are getting in the way of your wellbeing. The autonomic nervous system is at the heart of our daily life experiences. It is the initiator of how we think, feel, and act. It also controls our vital body functions such as our heart rate, breath, and digestion.

Our nervous system is constantly scanning our inner and outer life for signs of threat at an unconscious level. When stress, threat, or potential danger is detected, it sends us into a survival state, such as fight/flight, freeze, or shutdown. When we do not feel like we are in any immediate danger, we typically find ourselves in the regulated state of “rest and digest” state. When anchored in regulation, we live our lives form a place of sense of safety, connection, and engagement.

Although of nervous system works to keep us safe from real danger, it also develops conditioned, or adaptive, responses to perceived threats. Conditioned responses are developed from things like early childhood messaging or experiences, societal messaging (such as your worth is based on how much you accomplish or how thin you are), and from direct personal experiences (such as traumatic events or abuse).

This means that our nervous system could automatically send us into a survival state in situations such as when we have to talk to someone who we have a difficult relationship with, when we face doing something outside of our comfort zone, or when a negative core belief is activated, such as feeling like you are not good enough, are unworthy, or don’t belong.

Our nervous system can also become dysregulated by things such as chronic stress or trauma, making us live most of our lives in fight, flight, or shut-down mode.

Our conditioned nervous system responses comes with an automatic body sensation (such as tightness in the chest), automatic emotion, automatic thought, and automatic action tendency. When we’re in a survival state, we lose connection with the part of our higher levels of thinking, and we are overtaken by unregulated thoughts and emotions, which leads to unregulated, or unhealthy, actions.

Here is a short overview of what each state can look like:

“Ventral”/Connected/Regulated– In this state, we feel safe and socially connected. We feel we can “lean in” to our experience. We are grounded, present, calm. We can be curious, compassionate, creative, lighthearted, mindful, open, and connected (to ourselves, others, divinity, and/or the environment). We may feel happy, active, or interested. The world may seem safe, fun, and peaceful. Health benefits include a healthy heart rate, regulated blood pressure, healthy immune system, good sleep, and an overall sense of wellness. It is not a place without problems, but one feels hopeful and resourceful in this state.

“Sympathetic”/Fight or Flight– Here, we are mobilized; there is a lot of energy running through our system. Adrenaline and cortisol are released. This energy tends to make us want to fight off, or run away from, the real or perceived threat. This state is often associated with anger, anxiety, rage, panic, irritation, fear, frustration, worry, and fear-based thoughts. The world may feel dangerous, chaotic, or unfriendly.

“Dorsal”/Shut-Down– Here, we have no energy in our system; we are drained. In this state, we tend to shut down, collapse, close ourselves off from others, dissociate, and want to hide away from the world. It is often associated with feeling helpless, depressed, numb, shame, hopeless, defeated, foggy, too tired to think, abandoned, despair, empty, or trapped. Someone living with depression is often living in this state.

People who have both anxiety and depression might be frequently fluctuating between the shut down and fight or flight states, and not often finding their way back up to the ventral, connected state.

Take a moment to reflect on which state is most familiar to you. In which state do you spend most of your days?

Change is possible!

Just because you have certain patterns, it doesn’t mean you can’t change them. Your nervous system patterns can be re-shaped. It is our biology that initiates our responses, so we must also learn how to work with our biology to re-shape our responses.

When we learn how to regulate our nervous system, we learn how to re-connect with parts of ourselves that we may feel we’ve lost contact with; our peace, calm, joy, and sense of purpose and meaning. This is where we can create new beliefs about ourselves and choose healthier, more positive actions. We can re-connect with our inner wisdom, strength, and courage. Finally, we can re-connect with our authentic self, and live more fully alive.

Source: Deb Dana. Polyvagal Theory in Therapy (2018).

Emotionally Focused Therapy

Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy provides a “map” for helping people to re-shape automatic emotional responses and to create a more positive sense of self and others. Similar to Polyvagal Theory, it regulates the nervous system, creates emotional balance, and to create new meaning so that we can live more fully alive. EFIT follows three stages: stabilization, restructuring, and consolidation.

In the first stage, stabilization, we pinpoint the emotional patterns in which you are getting stuck, and are causing distress, anxiety, or depression. We regulate your nervous system, build up your strengths and supports, and work to restore balance.

In stage two, restructuring, we work to heal core wounds and release difficult emotions, we build up self-acceptance, and help you to develop a more positive sense of yourself and others.

In stage three, consolidation, we work together to integrate these new changes into your life, into the actions you take, and into your life story. This is where you can have a deeper sense of meaning, and purpose in life, and move forward in your life with greater confidence.

Source: Susan M. Johnson & T. Leanne Campbell (2022). A Primer for Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT): Cultivating Fitness and Growth in Every Client.

If you are looking for a counsellor in Qualicum Beach, feel free to book a free 15-minute inquiry call with me HERE